In few days I’m turning 27. It’s 27, not 26 or 25. 27 is close to 30.
I mentioned before that I don’t care about age, and I even cannot wait to be 30. But somehow, thinking about turning 27, getting closer to 30, made me ponder over my age and who I am right now.
I’m 27, no longer young.
As far as the term “youth” is concerned, one can argue. Who is young? You can be 35 and still be considered young. And you can be 50 and people can also say “It’s so sad he died, he was so young – 50 years old.”
But in my world, I’m no longer a child. Looking around me, women in their late twenties are not young, and they all should get married and start a family. I’m way too far from that world. I’m not ready to take care of a pet, let alone my own offspring.
Maybe I’m not a children person, but that’s not what I’m mostly concerned about. I’m only concerned that I’m 27, and I still feel a child. In many senses: I don’t know what I want to do in the next 5 years, I have no real home, and I don’t feel that I’m doing what I should be doing. I always imagined that by the time I reach the age of 25 I would be on my way to lead a successful life.
I always imagined, dreamed and day dreamed that I will be something in my thirties, or even my late twenties. And I feel that I’m still the same person I was 10 years ago. I don’t even feel that I achieved anything. I look at my resume, and I still feel it’s empty, empty of success. I always imagined that I would be already a writer, an actress, a lecturer or even a business woman (not all at the same time of course) when I’m in my late twenties. And here I am, in my late twenties, nothing. Will I still be a nothing when I’m in my thirties?
I’m a loser. What is a “loser” person? in my own definition, a loser is someone who leads unsuccessful life and does not have many friends. How does that apply to my life?
1- I have a job. None of the mentioned above of course.
2- I’m planning a birthday gathering, because no one would ever hold a surprise party for me, and I was trying to invite everyone I’m a friend with. It took me four days to make a list of people I was going to invite, some are close friends and others are not that close, and only five are coming. That somehow sums up my social life.
3- I have no love life. At all.
So, yes, I am a loser. And in three years I will be a thirty-year-old loser.