Autumn Agony (unfinished)

– October 14, 2017

When it’s the beginning of the year
The autumn leaves turn into flames
And fall off.
No longer part of their home
Their grand, erect, warm and green home.
They loved their home.
Their home carried them
Protected them
And nourished them.
And now they’re part of this earth,
Wandering to find a shelter
A corner, or a cave to hide in.
Until spring rises again.

The autumn leaves might find a place.
While my agony will remain the same.
Spring will come after few months,
Where I’ll be the same
Though perhaps wearing something different.
I wake up every morning,
Look out the window
At the autumn leaves
Feel the autumn chill
smell the wet ground
breathe the agony that been haunting me.
And I think to myself,
Why does it feel the same?
Every single year?

It prepares me for wintertime.
For December and January.
For Christmas and New Year.
And I have to force myself to live through it,
And enjoy every little bit of it.
And then go home,
Lie on my bed,
Sleep through the rain,
Shut my tears,
And my eyes,
And fall asleep.
To wake up the next day.
And get up and live through it.
Live through every day…
Live through every moment of agony.
Until it leaves me for a bit.

 

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